Dear Diary

Hey guys, so I know yesterday I was mean't to post the last installment of my 'Three ways to wear' but I've had a hetic couple of days so I thought I'd do a 'Dear Diary' post instead. Holidays for most people are a daunting but exciting experience but add in panic attacks, anxiety and one massive fear of flying then it's a whole new kettle of fish. Nerves kicked in at about one o'clock Friday morning getting lost in the mist of last minute packing and the usual family disagreements. I didn't want to leave because I didn't want to put myself in an uncomfortable situation, I know that's not how you should live your life but when it comes to panic attacks that completely flies out the window. 5.45 and we're boarding the plane while  shaking my legs and arms around to get rid of the anxiety. We're one of the first people to board and it couldn't have been a worse idea as I was sat on the plane stewing and panicking for half an hour waiting for everyone else to get on. And the it starts "I'm gunna be sick", "I'm panicking", "I can't do this" and "I need the toilet".  My fear of flying was completely taken over by the fear of panicking; so yes in the end I was panicking about panicking which is what most of my life consists of. I ended up having a panic attack for the whole two and a half hour journey to Spain.  Up and down to the toilet while people starred at the weirdo making a massive fuss. The waiting, lack of control and uncertainty is the main thing that ruins any new opportunity. First night and I woke up almost every hour panicking, trying to sleep with relaxing rain music and meditation apps. It may not be a quick fix and it certainly doesn't help when my anxiety has taken over completely mediation apps really have helped me to focus when I do start to panic so if you do struggle I'd definitely suggest downloading one. Fingers crossed I'll settle in soon and you can see all I've been up to. Take care guys.

All my love,

Over and out. 

S.Mx